It’s been a while but I just felt I had to post this. I woke up with astrange dream. I think it was my mind’s way of ordering this last week’s events. It gave me some clarity on other things I had been mulling over. I lost my father earlier this year it’s been an odd thing for me. My father and I weren’t close and actually had quiet a difficult relationship. Recently I’ve been seeing a friend of mine lose her father and reading of the strugles of my dear friend’s loved brother in-law as his father is struggling with surgeries and a new found illness, the fear and uncertainty of a friend’s child being so ill, a friend strugling through a harsh world of depression; unending darkness dismissed by most. It seems so odd when we are in these moments life halting in dramatic and forceful way.
I remember how angry I got ,the world had ended for me in those moments. Even seemed morbidly odd. my dad’s funeral for me seemed more like a really sad cocktail party greeting those endlessly. I knew so long ago with no coffin or normality of the situation to grab hold of. The funeral service was beautiful. It was just halted for me.
That halting at time meant too overwhelmed, the world was ending and no one knew. I have faced the death of those I loved before, each one leaving there own mark, life leaves it’s imprint on those of us passing this way. with a halting odd feeling that if it had music would be slowed down terrifying circus band wagon music or that defying sound they play after the bombs go off in movies, the whinying sound as the surrealness of life going on passes you by. I found watching life going on making me mad or anxious in alternating time. I have found comfort in that though. Life will go on again.
Don’t rush through the hard things in life, you find the most beautiful things there. There has to be something right in exchange for ‘losing’ all that time.
I can’t compare my month of just loosing 2 cars to profound loses like described above, that said my husband’s job requires a car, translating at most of the medical clinics in the area, all three hospitals and several others in nearest cities. Is he going to be able to get to them?. It just brought the lessons I have gleaned to the front, if they help, they help anyone, I’m glad.
That halting watching the world go on turned to comfort for me and away from anger knowing the world would move again for me too. I found people that are the precious gems in life. lastly, I found out that I’m strong. I can come out to the end of the worst life has to thrown at us. Even as those time seem to swell and threaten to overtake me. They didn’t and they don’t.
I hope this finds you if your hurting or going thru all of the darker places life has to dish out. You will see light again. You will breath again. You will not want to shoot the birds in the morning for waking you up when sleep seems to have just found you. Life takes pieces of us, that is true of all. It leaves some pretty important things too.