I have very little to be thankful or grateful for today. My Father passed away last night. He fought Leukemia for over 5 years. He was a tough man, strong and not one to even tell ya if he liked a flavor of yogurt.
We had a very strained relationship most of my life, an artist temperament seems like a mistake to a guy like that. A soft heart is weakness and he wanted me to be strong and protected, safe. He found it unsettling from things past but never really saw me without that tint from his bad experience. I love him very much, even if it was easier to do that from a distance. I had a few moments I thought I would never get a hug back a kiss on the forehead a few good talks and understanding for a little while. It was more than I had dreamed of having.
My Dad could be so funny. He gave me my love for all things geek. No matter what was going on we could always find ground in space next to Spock and Kirk: for a time anyway. For all his gruff ways you would hear him talking to the cat in the morning and teaching them to talk back: or teaching the bird to whistle songs and talk. You taught me to stand my ground even when it came to standing across from you. Even if that did not go over so well.
During thunderstorms we tore up the kitchen floor to the songs Ahab the Arab, and Tarzan; dancing on his feet. I love you Dad, I will always miss the times we could have had, but I will also treasure the times we did have.
I am glad he passed peacefully at home and not in the hospital, I am grateful his suffering is done, I am grateful he doesn’t have to endure any more treatments. Forgive me if in the next few days I take some time.